


Despondency

by bibliosoph



Category: Red White & Royal Blue - Casey McQuiston
Genre: Alex gets shot, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, blood is mentioned but it's not that graphic, i am squeamish so, prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-21
Updated: 2020-05-21
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:01:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24297766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bibliosoph/pseuds/bibliosoph
Summary: Based on a prompt I got on tumblr.Is this terrible? Yes. Do I apologize? No!Have some crappy hurt/comfort/angst/gunshot stuff to make you cry!Basically, Alex gets shot. Henry is a mess. How original (ha)Has a happy ending, I swear!
Relationships: Alex Claremont-Diaz/Henry Fox-Mountchristen-Windsor
Comments: 15
Kudos: 164





	Despondency

Henry shakes his head, trying to push the tears back down. If he stays strong, everything will be okay. They always told him to remain calm in these sorts of situations. They said it would make everything better––fear can kill. So he’s trying to be calm and be the voice of reason here. He’s doing everything they told him to when they prepared him for this sort of thing. Clearly, they didn’t prepare him well enough because he thinks he’s losing his fucking mind. It’s easier when you’re the one on the ground, isn’t it? All his life, he never thought he’d be in this position––the position where he has to bite his lip to keep himself from sobbing as he does everything he can to keep him alive or, at least, alive enough until someone finds them and gets him proper medical attention.

_“Attention,” Alex says, his voice loud and probably supposed to be demanding. “The car is here and if you’re not out there in with me in two minutes, I’m leaving your ass here.”_

_Henry laughs and kisses him, rolling his eyes as he starts to drag his suitcase out of the house._

_It’s a clear, cloudless morning in New York. There’s a bit of wind, but it’s not too bad. New York has seen colder springtimes than this one, and it’s due to clear up in a day or two, anyway. Alex and Henry won’t be here to see it, though, since they’re currently on their way to vacation in Mexico for a week. It’s taken quite a bit of schedule wrangling and annoying phone calls with their respective PPO teams to get this arranged, but it’s all finally worked out down to the last detail. A whole week in Mexico with absolutely nothing to do but tan by the sea and go to all of the places Alex has written down to show Henry. Alex may think that this is some sort of compromise––that Henry is only going to Mexico because Alex asked for it––but Henry might be more excited about this than Alex is, honestly. It’ll be a way for Henry to see the world through Alex’s eyes––to see everything Alex loves about it from his perspective. And Henry could not be more thrilled to have the opportunity._

_As soon as they’re both in the car and driving to the airstrip, Henry feels a hand in his own, squeezing it._

There’s a hand upon his own, squeezing it. As if Henry’s the one that needs the reassurance right now, not the other way around. He shakes his head again because it’s all too much for him right now––the blood and the thoughts racing through his head. It’s all getting managed up and twisted inside of him and he fears that soon and without warning, he might explode with all of the emotions he’s feeling right now. He should have insisted that Cash or Shaan come along. He shouldn’t have let this happen. He shouldn’t have suggested a walk to the café around the corner for a cup of coffee like it was something they could just do like normal people. 

_“People are going to stare at us, aren’t they,” Henry says in the air._

_Alex rolls his eyes. “Don’t they always?”_

_“Yes, but…I don’t know. Do you think it’ll be better or worse in another country? You know, one that our families aren’t in charge of?”_

_Alex shrugs and cozies up next to him, his socked feet landing on top of Henry’s. “Hard to say,” he sighs. “But I do know that if anyone’s staring at you, it’ll be because you look so fucking good in a swimsuit.”_

_Henry smiles, eyes crinkling in the corners. “Mm, is that so? Even when I inevitably burn myself to a crisp?”_

_“Mm, you won’t burn. I mean, isn’t sunscreen just an excuse for me to touch you in public?”_

_Henry laughs and kisses Alex’s cheek before pulling out his book––some beach read that June gave him._

_The flight isn’t long compared to some of the other journeys they’ve had together, so when they touch down in sunny Mexico, they feel ready to drop their things at the hotel and start exploring. They’ve got two hotels planned out for the week. The first one, the one they’ll be staying in now, is in Mexico City. The second is on an island off the coast––something secluded and secretive and made for people like them. Though Henry is, of course, excited for the practically private island and all of the amenities it has to offer, he’s more excited about the first part of their vacation in Mexico City. He knows how dear this place is to Alex––how he has so many fond memories here. The idea of Alex playing tour guide is, for some reason, absolutely thrilling to him. Maybe he’ll get him a hat or something. Make him wear a uniform. When he thinks about it, it sounds nice. Would Alex be into that sort of thing?_

_“You’re thinking too hard,” Alex hums, slinking an arm around his waist as they stand in their hotel room._

“You’re…thinking,” Alex tells him, “too hard.”

Henry tries to laugh but he’s incapable right now. Alex is, as he usually is, right about this. Henry is thinking too much. “I’m not,” he tries to assure him.

Alex, even in this state, doesn’t buy it for even a moment. Instead, he reached up and smooths the lines of worry between Henry’s eyebrows with the pad of his thumb. Henry doesn’t even think about the blood he might be leaving there––it’s not important right now. “Henry, I wan––”

Henry shakes his head again and sniffs the tears away, pushing them down to be dealt with later. He puts more pressure on the bleeding wound even though he knows it’ll do no good. “No,” he says, voice shaking. “None of that.”

Alex’s pale, sweaty face smiles slightly up at him, the corner of his mouth rising slightly. “Plea––”

“You’re going to be fine,” Henry says, cutting him off again. “Do you hear me? Fine.”

_“Fine,” Henry groans, rolling his eyes. It’s seven in the morning on their second day in Mexico and, for some reason, they’re both awake. Alex wants coffee though, given how much he’s fidgeting, Henry doesn’t think he really needs it._

_“There’s a cool place on the corner,” Alex tells him as they get dressed. “I can call Shaan––”_

_“What if we didn’t? What if we…snuck out?”_

_Alex raises an eyebrow at him, clearly intrigued. “Oh? You mean to tell me that you want to sneak out without the chaperones? How scandalous! What would the Queen say?”_

_Henry lovingly rolls his eyes. “It’s just a coffee. We’ll be gone for, what? Twenty minutes? I’m sure we can manage walking down the street. Plus, hardly anyone’s even looked our way upon arriving here.”_

_Henry starts to leave but Alex tugs him back, slipping something into his hand. “Almost forgot this,” Alex tells him. Henry looks and sees that Alex has just handed him his phone._

_“I suppose even vacation can’t really let us get away entirely, can it?”_

_Alex hums and reaches up to kiss him softly, wrapping his arms around his waist. “You’ll thank me later.”_

_“Mm, will I? And why’s that?”_

_“Because you love me,” he says with a smile, “and if you don’t, you won’t get to see me in the special suit I picked out just for you. First you gotta admit that I'm the smart one, though.”_

_Henry kisses him again with a smile on his face. “I never said you weren't smart. Even when you're being a complete tease and a menace, you're still one of the smartest people I know.”_

Alex is smart, though. Always has been. He knows that Henry can’t know that for certain. “Stop it,” Alex groans as Henry presses down more.

Afraid that he’s hurting him, Henry pulls away.

“I meant stop shutting…me up,” Alex says. He chuckles which turns into a cough which morphs into a bit of blood staining his lips.

Henry closes his eyes for a moment, unable to stand the sight of it. He wipes the blood away with his fingers so Alex doesn’t have to feel it anymore. Or maybe so Henry doesn’t have to see it. There’s already so much––his once white shirt is completely red with it. “I just don’t want you to be a pessimist.”

Alex scoffs. “A pessimist? Henry, I’m dying.”

_“Henry,” Alex groans, “I’m dying. You’ve embarrassed me to the point of no return.”_

_Henry rolls his eyes. “Come on, it wasn’t all that bad.”_

_“You said you were learning Spanish!”_

_“I am learning Spanish, Alex. I just…I messed up my words!”_

_Alex nearly doubles over in laughter. “How? Seriously, tell me how you confused the two? They sound completely different!”_

_Henry opens his mouth but closes it again, not really knowing how to win this battle. “Maybe I should give up entirely. Clearly all that tutoring isn’t very helpful.”_

_Alex rolls his eyes, nudging him with his shoulder. “Oh, come on. Don’t be such a pessimist.”_

_“I’m not being a pessimist,” Henry huffs. “I’m just––I’m acknowledging that it’s hopeless.”_

_Alex shakes his head and reaches up, kissing the underside of his jaw. “Sweetheart, that’s exactly what a pessimist would say.”_

“That’s exactly what a pessimist would say,” Henry argues. He picks up his phone again, texting Shaan. He asks how far they are––how much longer does he have to keep this up? He’s losing his mind; he’s certain of it. All he can see is Alex and the blood. All he can feel is this numbing fear that there’s not a thing he can do to help him right now and that the agents won’t get here in time. If Alex dies now, in his fucking arms, how will he be able to live with himself? They were supposed to have won the battle––they were supposed to have a long, happy life together. Alex has survived a lot of terrible things, and this should be no different. It should take more than some random drunk guy with a gun to kill him.

“Henry, if I…say something…” Alex says, his words getting slurred together, “can you just…l-listen?”

_“Can you just listen?” Henry begs, trying to hold Alex back._

_There’s a man across the street, completely drunk. This part of the city is completely quiet and dead save for him and his stumbling mess of incoherent Spanish that Henry can’t make out. It sounds threatening, though._

_Alex’s face pales as soon as he listens to him. “Shit, Henry, we need to go.”_

_He starts pulling Henry away, but Henry stands his ground for a moment. “Why? What’s he saying?”_

_“He’s––shit, he’s coming over here. Just––don’t move, okay? He’s––fuck, H, he’s got a gun just––“_

_Terrified, he squeezes Alex’s hand and nods._

Henry nods and brushes the tears off of Alex’s cheeks. He leans down and kisses them away for good measure. “Yes. I promise.”

Alex smiles weakly. “I’m sorry,” he begins. “And I know…we didn’t p-plan this…but it’s…it’s okay.”

Henry is trying his fucking hardest to keep the tears from falling down his cheeks. His lip quivers.

“I love you. So…fucking much. More…than you could…know.”

“I do know,” Henry promises him, his tears still threatening to spill over. He holds Alex’s face in his free hand, rubbing his thumb over the skin there. “I know and I love you more than anything. You’re not going to die, you hear me? We’re––you’ll get through this, love. You have to. I don’t know what I’ll do without you.”

Alex’s eyes start to roll back but Henry shakes him, trying to keep him awake. “No, no,” Henry begs, “don’t fall asleep. Just––keep talking to me, yeah? Insult me. I know you’re good at that.”

Normally, Alex would laugh. He would find it amusing. Now, all he does is look up at Henry. He doesn’t blink. He doesn’t say a word.

This is when the fear really takes a hold of Henry. It bubbles up inside of him––everything he’s been trying to push down comes up to the surface. He’s alone, he’s terrified, and it doesn’t look like Alex is breathing anymore. There’s blood on his lips. His eyes are dull and glossed over.

“Alex,” Henry says, shaking him. “Alex!”

But Alex doesn’t respond.

Henry feels Alex’s stillness in every cell in his body. It’s the worst kind of pain––there’s nothing he can do to stop it. He screams and doubles over, collapsing on top of Alex with his head on Alex’s chest.

He can’t––he can’t just lose Alex. Alex can’t just leave. It’s not what they agreed on––it’s not something that should happen. He’s so angry that he feels like he’s being set on fire. It pulses in his fingertips, making his fists clench uncontrollably. The tears escape his eyes, flowing freely and violently down his face. He tastes them in his mouth. How is this possible? How can Alex be––

He won’t survive this. There’s no way he’ll survive this. Alex has his heart completely. And now that Alex is gone…what is he supposed to do? How is he supposed to get through this? He’s lost two of the most important people in his life now––he can’t…

There’s a hand on his shoulder.

_Alex puts his hand on his shoulder before launching himself in front of Henry, taking the bullet shooting out of the man’s gun. The man sees Alex fall to the ground, drops the gun, and runs away. Somehow sober now._

_Henry sinks to his knees––the world is falling apart around him._

His world is falling into pieces around him.

It’s Shaan. He’s saying something that Henry can’t hear. Maybe he doesn’t want to hear it. He can't bring himself to hear any voice that isn’t Alex’s. Alex told him––he said everything would be okay, didn’t he? That this would be fun. That nothing would happen. It was just a short walk––the corner and back again. This wasn’t…this isn’t right.

Someone––Zahra, he thinks––pulls Henry off of him, physically restraining him as he fights them to make his way back to Alex. Everything’s muted. There’s a ringing in his ear. He watches as Shaan and Cash huddle around Alex’s body, doing something.

“Don’t touch him!” Henry screams. “Get away from him!”

“They’re helping, Henry,” Zahra says behind him.

Suddenly, there’s a gasp and a rush of movement. Shaan and Cash move away, rushing to both sides of Alex’s body and propping it up. Through his tears, Henry tries to see what’s going on.

“Told you I wasn’t being a fucking pessimist,” Alex croaks with a shit-eating grin on his face.

Henry frees himself from Zahra’s grasp and rushes over, pulling Alex into a hug. He pulls back a moment later, knowing that he’s probably just hurting him.

“I love you,” Alex mumbles into Henry’s hair.

Henry laughs wetly and kisses him. “If you ever do that to me again…”

“What?” Alex challenges. “You’ll kill me?”

Henry shakes his head as more tears spill over, kissing Alex again. It’s only been a few minutes, but God did he miss these lips.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm @bibliothesoph on tumblr if you want to give me a prompt or, ya know, yell at me!
> 
> Also, realistically, I know that someone would come help them. But it's early in the morning and in this world, every single human is hungover and dead asleep. So I got rid of the people. FOR THE DRAMAAAAA anyway that's it thanks for reading


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